


Oh Let's Go Back To The Start

by bluesouffle



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15584049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesouffle/pseuds/bluesouffle
Summary: Five times someone confessed to Kota Ibushi, and one time he confessed to someone else.





	Oh Let's Go Back To The Start

**One: Hana**

The first time someone confessed to Kota Ibushi, he was fifteen and it was Valentine’s Day. He’d vaguely noticed the sudden proliferation of hearts and chocolates and heart-shaped chocolates in storefronts, but he hadn’t paid much attention.

So he was completely taken by surprise when Hana, who he shared a few classes with but had never spoken to besides a polite greeting, approached him in the hallway at lunch and thrust a tissue paper-wrapped bundle at him, blushing scarlet. He could barely make out her mumbled confession over the giggles of her friends hiding around the corner.

He managed to stammer out something appropriate in response, trying to turn her down gently. He still felt terrible about it, watching her face fall and her hasty retreat – he’d honestly never suspected. His friends often told him he was oblivious about girls, and it was a wonder so many of them had crushes on him.

Girls were nice, sure. But he’d never felt for a girl the way he did about wrestling.

+

**Two: Kenny Omega**

Kota received more than a few confessions after that during high school, all of which he declined firmly and politely. It didn’t seem to deter them at all – in fact, some girls seemed to become even more determined. In the real world it was much less socially acceptable to confess your love to an acquaintance, putting him in fewer awkward situations. Nevertheless he still got them from time to time, and felt bad about it each time. Was it something he was doing that encouraged them?

He sometimes wondered why he’d never felt the desire to accept any of the offers, or to confess to any girl himself. His mother wondered too, and fretted about it more and more transparently each time he visited home. But he tried to put it out of his mind, because that way lay uncomfortable thoughts and he tried his best to avoid such things.

Then Kenny Omega arrived in DDT in the summer of 2008 and turned Kota’s whole world upside down.

That first match, on a hot August night, was what Kota imagined love at first sight felt like. They’d never met before, yet it seemed like they knew exactly what the other would do, moving together in more of a dance than a fight. Kota was always reckless, to the despair of the DDT office, but Kenny one-upped him and dared him to go further. Kota took a Michinoku Driver on a pile of chairs, hit the Phoenix Splash off a vending machine, then kicked Kenny half to death in the ring to get the second pin and the win, but he didn’t even feel any pain. He didn’t want it to end.

He couldn’t tell Kenny that in so many words, but they clung to each other in the middle of the ring for a long moment, and Kota tried to convey that feeling through the press of his fingers into Kenny’s back and his chin digging into Kenny’s shoulder. _I’ve never felt this way about someone before. Let’s do this forever._

They were inseparable for the rest of the tour, Michael drafted into being their not-so-reluctant translator. They didn’t even need him half the time, able to get by with Kota’s bit of high school English, pantomime, and body language. The other wrestlers joked that they could read each other’s minds. But Michael indulged them fondly.

All too soon it was Kenny’s last night in Japan. He was flying back to Canada the next day, with no plans to return. It had only been a few weeks – Kota felt like he couldn’t imagine life without Kenny already.

Kota tossed and turned in the narrow hotel bed, trying to get to sleep to no avail. Kenny would be leaving for the airport first thing in the morning, and he wanted to wake up early enough to say goodbye. Then there was a knock at the door he didn’t know he’d been waiting for.

Kenny stood in the hallway, fidgeting in his pajamas. Kota stepped aside wordlessly to let him in, as though he’d been expecting this visit.

Kenny hovered awkwardly in the middle of the room until Kota pushed him into the only chair, taking a seat on the edge of the bed himself, facing Kenny. He seemed to be struggling with whatever he wanted to say, so Kota patiently waited him out.

Finally Kenny started talking, in slow and deliberate English, but it was all going over Kota’s head. Kota shook his head, and Kenny sighed and covered his face with his hands. Kota wished he could fix whatever it was that was making Kenny so distressed.

Kenny raised his head and looked Kota in the eyes. Kota didn’t look away.

“ _Aishiteru_ ,” Kenny said carefully, and – oh. _Oh._

Okay, Kota wasn’t expecting that, as per usual. He had never been confessed to by a boy, or a _gaijin_ for that matter. He sat with his mouth open, trying to come up with a response and translate it into English.

Kenny seemed to take the silence as a negative sign, leaping up from the chair and spouting apologies. Luckily Kota’s reflexes were faster than his tongue, and he caught Kenny by the wrist before he could reach the door.

“Wait,” Kota pleaded in Japanese, and Kenny sat back down, eyes on the floor. Kota kept a hold on Kenny’s wrist and tried to formulate his thoughts. He wished Michael was there, but that would be awkward. “I am…surprised.”

Kenny flushed unhappily, and his wrist flexed in Kota’s grip. He muttered something under his breath, looking like he wished he could sink through the floor.

Kota didn’t know if he loved Kenny. What did that feel like, love? He’d never really thought about it seriously before. What he did know is that he’d never felt like this about anyone else, and he hated seeing Kenny ashamed and pulling away from him. He wanted to wipe that look off Kenny’s face. But he didn’t have the words to say all of that in English.

So he did what he usually does, and let his actions do the talking for him. He tugged Kenny’s wrist gently to bring him closer until they were standing face to face, inches apart. Kenny’s eyes were fixed somewhere near his sternum, and he was still red in the face. Kenny opened his mouth to say something, but cut himself off abruptly as Kota nudged his face up with a finger under his chin. Kenny was frozen as Kota leaned in slowly, slowly, until their lips finally met in an almost-chaste kiss.

They kissed softly for long moments, neither taking it any further by tacit agreement until they finally broke apart for breath. Kenny’s eyes were closed, and he was trembling slightly.

Kota pulled Kenny to the bed and nudged him until he climbed in under the blankets, rolling to the far side to make room for Kota to lie down as well. Kenny seemed frozen in indecision, unsure of his welcome, so Kota took the initiative to arrange them on their sides, Kenny the little spoon. Kota threw an arm over his waist, pulling him closer, and Kenny relaxed slightly in his hold.

“Sleep,” Kota said, and they did.

In the morning, Kenny had to sneak back to his room so he could finish packing. Before he did, they shared another kiss for the road.

“Text me,” Kenny said, and Kota promised he would. He also vowed to himself that he would bug Takagi- _san_ until he brought Kenny back to Japan, hopefully on a contract this time. If Kenny wanted to, of course. What _did_ Kenny want?

The language barrier made it difficult to discuss any serious topics, so their texts tended toward the casual. Kenny sent a lot of pictures – his dogs, his cottage on the lake, the roads he was traveling. Kota responded with pictures of Tokyo, his cat, his private dojo under construction.

It took six months, but Kenny did come back – for good. He started taking Japanese lessons, rented a tiny apartment for appearances but ended up moving into Kota’s place within a few months for all practical purposes. His clothes migrated over one suitcase at a time, his favorite games were already at Kota’s place, the rest of his furniture and boxes gathered dust. They didn’t hide the fact that they were together, so naturally everyone backstage in DDT knew. Michael complained that they were sickeningly happy, and started fake-retching in their vicinity at any display of affection.

Years later and an ocean apart, Kota will look back on that time and he won’t be able to bring himself to regret a thing.

+

**Three: El Desperado**

It’s pretty much an open secret among the wrestlers in New Japan, if it can be considered a secret at all, that Kota and Kenny are together. So Kota’s taken completely by surprise when El Desperado whips out a bouquet and offers it to him in the middle of the ring.

The crowd murmurs. Kota can’t read El Desperado’s face through his mask.

Of course they’re there to wrestle, and they do, but after the match Kota can’t help but wonder what El Desperado had really expected from him.

He tells Kenny about it later that night, and Kenny hums thoughtfully. “Well, I can’t blame him for falling in love with you.”

“Really? You think he’s in love with me?”

Kenny laughs. He doesn’t sound jealous at all, surprisingly. “Only everyone who meets you falls in love with you. I didn’t even have to meet you in person.”

“Huh.” Kota doesn’t know what to say to that.

“He can’t have you, though,” Kenny says, wrapping his arms around Kota’s waist. “You’re mine.”

+

**Four: Zack Sabre Jr.**

Kota hates traveling, and he’s never lived outside of Japan for any length of time. But it seems like the time to try new things, so here he is in Florida, all by himself. Michael came with him for the first few weeks, but eventually he had to go back to Thailand and his real life.

The only person he even remotely knows from his past life is Zack Sabre Jr. They’re not friends, but they’re both foreigners and they have a few mutual friends through Japanese wrestling circles. Zack knows a little Japanese, and Kota’s English has improved significantly over the past few years (though he wouldn’t consider himself fluent by any means), so they get by.

And despite his reputation, Kota finds Zack considerate and thoughtful. They work out together, carpool, hang out on their off days, talk strategy – since it’s impossible for them to meet until the finals of the tournament, if they do get there. The other wrestlers are varying degrees of friendly and cutthroat, so it’s nice to have someone to lean on.

After the quarterfinals, they’re sitting in the gym at the end of a late-night workout, stretching and catching their breath. Zack says conversationally, “I’ve decided, I’m not signing with WWE.”

It isn’t really a surprise. “Taking the offer from New Japan?”

“Yeah.” Zack pauses to switch legs on the foam roller, then asks carefully, “What about you? I know they must’ve made you an offer.”

“Yes.” He hasn’t signed it though, had asked for some time to think. He had almost done it – it’s a good contract, a lot of money and a three-year guarantee. He has no obligations holding him in Japan. But inevitably his mind ends up wandering back to –

“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”

Kota nods. No use pretending they don’t both know who Zack is talking about – everyone involved in _puroresu_ must know, or at least suspect, the real reason why Kota had resigned from both DDT and New Japan and fled the country altogether.

Zack sighs. “Pity. You’re too good for him.”

“I know,” Kota says, and Zack laughs.

Later, Kota will think back on that conversation and realize what Zack was really saying, between the lines. But it wouldn’t have made any difference. For better and for worse, Kota’s loved one person for eight years, and he doesn’t know if he even has it in him to love another.

+

**Five: Cody Rhodes**

“I need you,” Cody says, pandering to the flashing cameras and reaching microphones, “I need _you_ ,” and, well – isn’t this ironic? Even now Kota can’t escape from the Bullet Club, though the faction is unrecognizable compared to what it was when he’d left two years ago.

Cody is relentless, and he somehow convinces Gedo to make the match for Wrestle Kingdom. For the Dome – where Kota and Kenny had once promised each other they’d wrestle in the main event on the biggest stage. He kisses Kota’s hand – it doesn’t matter if Kenny told him to or not, Kota tries to tell himself. When it comes time for their match, Kota wins anyway. Cody tries to bash his head in with a chair –

And Kenny saves him.

+

**Plus One: Kenny Omega**

Kota never thinks before he acts, which has served him both well and poorly in his life. He runs to the ring on instinct – he couldn’t have not saved Kenny, no matter what had passed between them, the bad blood and the bridges reduced to ash. It wasn’t a choice – it never had been.

Acting in the moment is simple, but it doesn’t begin to mend the years of silence and hurt and guilt that stretch between them. In the aftermath they’re alone in the Sekigun locker room, everyone else long since returned to the hotel. Kenny is sitting on the bench in his ring gear, shivering with shock and adrenaline. Kota flags down young Umino to fetch Kenny’s bag from the Bullet Club locker room and an ice pack.

If Tanahashi- _san_ were here he would disapprove, but Kota couldn't care less about what anyone else thinks right now. Kenny’s exhausted, in pain, betrayed by his factionmates who he thought were his friends. If his partner needs him Kota will make the tag, regardless of how much he’s hurting himself.

“Do you need to go see the trainers?” Kota asks, and Kenny finally meets his gaze, eyes just as blue as he’d remembered. “Your neck…”

“It’s fine,” Kenny says quietly, voice hoarse.

“Does anything else hurt? Don’t lie to me,” Kota presses, all too familiar with Kenny brushing off injury.

Kenny gives him a look – _look who’s talking_ – but relents, admitting, “My knee. Ever since the surgery, it hasn’t been the same. The trainers will just tell me to ice it, anyway.”

“Let me see.” Kota surprises them both by kneeling at Kenny’s feet, but Kenny lets him pull off his kneepad and shinguard and roll his tights up to the thigh. Kota traces his fingers lightly over the faint scar on the inside of Kenny’s knee, feeling the sickly warmth of a lingering injury. “You came back too soon for it to heal.”

“If I didn’t they would have taken the title.” The title that Kenny just lost minutes ago, the final straw that broke Cody’s back. Titles have brought nothing but pain to them both, but Kota holds his tongue.

Kenny rests a tentative hand on Kota’s shoulder. “Kota… I’m sorry. I can’t begin to tell you –”

“Not now,” Kota interrupts. This is a conversation they’ll need to have sooner rather than later, but this isn’t the time or place. “Tell me later.”

Shota finally reappears with the ice and Kenny’s bag, and Kenny changes into street clothes while Kota packs both their bags, an old familiar rhythm. Kota calls them a taxi to the hotel and they share the backseat, Kenny balancing the ice on his knee and looking out the window at the light flurries of snow drifting through the air, visible under the streetlights and then vanishing into the dark. Kota watches Kenny, the outline of his profile both familiar and changed. It’s been three years, but it feels like a lifetime.

Silently they make their way up to Kota’s room, and Kota finally shuts the door on the outside world for some blessed privacy. Kenny looks like he wants to start talking, but also like he’s about to fall asleep on his feet. Kota wants nothing more at the moment than to touch him, to know he’s really here. And if he’ll be here tomorrow, that’s good enough for now.

“Kenny… I don’t know where we go from here,” Kota admits, “but there's only one thing that matters. I love you. I still love you. And I need to know – do you love me too?”

 “Yes. God, Kota, yes,” Kenny says urgently, leaning toward him. “I do, I always have. Kota, I’m so sorry –”

“I know,” Kota says, cutting him off. “There are a lot of things we need to talk about. But for now –”

They meet in the middle this time. It’s their second first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “The Scientist” by Coldplay (which is a very fitting pre-reunion Golden Lovers song).
> 
> This is the first fic I’ve ever published, though I’ve been lurking around various fandoms for a while and have way too many WIPs in my notebooks. Constructive criticism welcome.
> 
> My headcanon for this fic is that Kota is aromantic (or wrestle-romantic) and Kenny is gray-sexual, but this is only lightly implied and not necessary for the premise. I might expand on this in future works, if I ever finish them.
> 
> I don’t speak Japanese, but from what I’ve read "aishiteru" is not the most common way to say “I love you” and is only used to express the deepest level of affection. (Please correct me if I'm wrong.) However, Kenny probably wouldn’t know that at the time, and if he did he might have used it anyway.


End file.
